Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Butterflies and Moths.

"Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh." Genesis 2:24

I read this article on marriage; the changes, the "we" factor, hobbies. I'll be the first to admit that I'm way more of a social butterfly than Cory is. In fact, he's more like a moth. I'm talking and yapping and blooming.. and he's stuck to a light bulb. Preferably an out of the way light bulb that won't be noticed so he doesn't have to talk to anyone. I'm not saying he can't or won't make casual conversation.. it's just not his nature. I also love visiting my family and staying the night. I don't care about being in my own bed. I want to stay up late, sippin' sweet tea and talking about all of life's mysteries.. Cory wants to be in his bed, with his pillow, with his everything. In fact, that's something we used to argue about a lot. I just couldn't understand why he didn't want to stay where I wanted.. I didn't always take the time to understand that he might be uncomfortable. The social butterfly in me doesn't really ever get uncomfortable.. I can blend in just about anywhere. Apparently, blending is harder for moths :)

Anyways, whether you've been married for ten years, just got engaged or can't imagine someone else "cleaving" to you for the next twenty years, this article brings some great, realistic points to light. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did!
For all the beauty marriage brings, it ushers in unique challenges. Learn how to deal better now.
Studies and research will tell you that couples most often fight about two topics in particular: Sex and money; different ideas of what’s too little, too much or how these issues affect the couple. While these are real struggles that jeopardize the health of a relationship, the gaps that lie between partner needs and how to bridge them still aren’t the real reason why marriage is so darn hard. The answer lies in the “shift.”
Most couples will tell you that when they got married nothing changed. And everything changed. All at once. Marriage isn’t magic. We mentally paint an idyllic picture of how the ceremony will wash away all of our troubles and that the bond of matrimony will bless our union with a lifetime of roses and rainbows. Sadly, it doesn’t. There is, of course, a renewed sense of joy, commitment and partnership; however, the problems you went in with are (most likely) the ones you’re coming out with. Same. Same. Nothing changed. So what does change? It all begins to unfold when you realize that once you said “I Do,” your relationship game just got “upped.”
When non-married couples disagree, society views it as reasonable, as they are just ‘learning’ each other. When non-married couples have separate hobbies, they are simply taking healthy alone time necessary to make their relationship work. When non-married couples spend time with their families without their significant other its okay, because their partner isn’t really ‘part of the family.’ How quickly these things change when we exchange vows. In an instant you’ve become “the couple that fights,” “the couple that has separate interests that might just lead to separate lives” and “the couple that has family issues.” For all of the many blessings that marriage brings, it necessitates the difficult choices every partner has to make in order to avoid becoming part of that clichéd statistic we’ve all heard.How do you defy the odds and not end up amongst the 50% who divorce?

Make the Mental Shift From ‘I to We’ - To keep your relationship strong, you as a couple have to view yourselves as the most important people in your world. It doesn’t mean that you are the only ones in existence, but it does mean that barring life hiccups, responsibilities and emergencies, you always have to think about what’s best for you two as a couple. This is no simple question, but it is the most important thing to ask when determining whether your marriage is going to sink or swim. It all sounds easy in theory, doesn’t it? Just “do what’s best” and you won’t be lead astray. It becomes more cloudy and complicated when it becomes apparent that in this “I to We” shift, a little part of each of you vanishes, for good.
The part of you that gets to do what you want, when you want, just for yourself, no matter what, becomes null and void. Every choice gets re-evaluated and re-processed through the filter of what’s ‘right’ for you BOTH. 


Saturday, January 10, 2015

Boys will be boys.

Let's just face it; there are quite a few things that will just make life with your husband easier. Well, life with men in general I suppose. If you're a daughter, wife, mother, cousin- any female- you can make a man in your life happy with just a few things.

For the life of me, I'll never figure out WHY these things are important, but I know they are. 

1. A recliner
Wait. Not just any recliner. A good recliner. A comfortable recliner. A recliner that he can sit in after a long, hard days work and just ahhhhh. So it can't be any recliner, you see. It has to be THE recliner. Also..

2. Said recliner should sit within line of sight of the T.V. at just the right angle to which he doesn't have to move to watch T.V.
I happen to know for a fact that Cory isn't the only man who wants to be able to watch TV with little to no trouble. Several of my female friends have attested to the fact that their men, too, like to be lined up with the TV. Universally, men expect their comfy recliner and beloved television to line up so that they will not have to twist and turn their necks, ultimately leading to a trip to the chiropractor, a crick in their neck.. or whatever.

3. A trash receptacle close to their precious recliner..
So close, in fact, that it is not necessary to actually get up to throw anything away. It doesn't matter that there is a trash can in the kitchen, ten feet away, or one in every bathroom. Nope, who cares? Said trash can needs to be right there beside him. Otherwise, trash will pile up beside aforementioned recliner. And it will probably annoy you. But it just makes sense; if he doesn't want to turn his neck to watch TV, why would he want to stand up to throw trash away? See, that cleared things up, right? 

4. Toys
Yes, you read that correctly. My mom used to tell me that boys never really grow up; they just get bigger. And bigger boys want bigger toys. SO true. Forget Hot Wheels and toy trains; now they need a new X-Box (thankfully Cory isn't a gamer), a Jeep (not because they actually need a vehicle; no, a Jeep to just play in), guns, guns and more guns, and in Cory's case, WORK TOYS. Also known as a new skidder. When I heard that it was a few thousand short of what we actually paid for our house, I wished he was a gamer. 

Photographic evidence:

5. A stash of candy within reach
Okay, that could just be Cory.. I'm not sure. But he likes to use the really cute toolbox that I put beside his chair for the remote and such, as a miniature kitchen. Ding dongs, Twinkies, Star Crunch, Starburst, Gummy Worms; you name it. It doesn't matter that we actually have a kitchen. Hey, if they don't like to stand to throw trash away... you got it. Why would they want stand to go get food? It just really does make sense.

There's more. There's so much more. But these things: comfortable recliners lined up correctly with the TV, trash cans close to recliners, big, big toys, and candy-lots of it- close by. 

Hook your husband up with these simple things, and his life will be much happier. And much simpler.. which also leads to happiness for him.  :)

Sunday, January 4, 2015


I guess I've been MIA for a while. It's a whole new year!

While I'd like to pretend that it's because I have a super exciting life and can just barely find time to think, never mind blog.. well, that's just not the case. I guess I haven't felt very inspired.. nothing to say that's just hilarious or helpful.

In the time since I last posted, I became a mom to the cutest, most energetic boy. He has all four feet and his tail wags perfectly. I only get mad at him when he chews on my throw pillows and potties in the floor. Which is sometimes a lot.. so I'm sometimes mad at him a lot. Other than those times, he's just perfect.

So the last two nights, I re-read the book of Ruth. It's a book in the Bible that I've read over and over and heard message after message on. But something was different this time. Maybe because I haven't read it since I've been married. Anyways, there were several things that I'd like to share with anyone who takes the time to read this.

1. Ruth was selfless

She set aside the possibility of ever marrying again or having children. She wanted Naomi to stop trying to talk her out of leaving her; she knew what she was getting herself into (or so she thought) and wanted to do it anyway.
Ruth 1:16-18 "And Ruth said, Intreat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee: for whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and they God my God: Where thou diest, will I die, and there will I be buried: the Lord do so to me, and more also, if ought (anything) but death part thee and me. When she saw that she was steadfastly minded to go with her, then she left speaking unto her."

Also, Naomi gave ruth some pretty strange sounding instructions about laying at Boaz's feet (chapter 3) but Ruth trusted that Naomi would not give her bad advice; she was older and more accustomed to the ways of her people. Ruth was obedient and it worked out for her so well!

2. God had a plan for Ruth that never would have worked out if she had left Naomi

Ruth never would have passed Boaz's path if she had left Naomi to go back to her own people. Boaz was a kinsman of Naomi's husband, which gave him rights to marry Ruth. However, there was one kinsman in line before Boaz. Boaz told Ruth he would talk to this man, and if he did not want her for his wife, then he would marry her himself. And to think that if Naomi hadn't married Elimelech and Ruth hadn't married Mahlon (Naomi's son), none of this would have happened and Ruth wouldn't have been in the lineage of Jesus. To me, that means this plan was set in motion long before Ruth became a widow. Better yet, Boaz was known as a man of his word. What more could God have given Ruth?

Ruth 3:18 "Then said she, Sit still, my daughter, until thou know how the matter will fall: for the man will not be in rest, until he have finished he thing this day."

Naomi was basically saying, "Chill, Ruth, Boaz is a man of his word and he will take care of what he said would (which was talking to the kinsman about marrying Ruth).

3. Ruth's reputation went before her

Boaz had heard (and saw for himself) good things of Ruth. She worked hard in the fields and this earned her great rewards. Gleaning in the fields was basically poor people picking up the leftovers.

Ruth 2:16 "And let fall also some of the handfuls of purpose for her, and leave them, that she may glean them, and rebuke her not."

Boaz gave orders for food to be left on purpose for Ruth. He was looking out for her before they were married. 

In all of this, I learned a few things. Being kind, selfless, hard working, patient nurturing.. these attributes will only get you so far. Ruth was all of these things, but she was something else: she was obedient. God desires our obedience in life. Without His direction, our plans will fail. I don't know about you, but I hate when my plans don't come together just right. God probably does too. He probably hates when we get in the way of the perfect plan He set in motion just for us.

In 2015, I hope to be more like Ruth: obedient, kind and hard working. I hope to never get in the way of the perfect plan that God has the blue print to. Can you be more like Ruth and less like yourself? I'm definitely trying.