10 Things Married People Want You to Know: Rebuttal and Praise

I saw this link on Facebook yesterday, and while the hopeless romantic in me agrees with most of it, here are my thoughts and opinions. Enjoy Endure if you must.

1. "Most of the time you spend together is going to be non-sexual, so you better be best friends, or it won't last."

Cindi Says: WORD. Most of the time you spend together IS non-sexual, but your S.O. doesn't necessarily plan for life to be that way. You will, mark my words, find yourself all cuddled up and wanting to just be cuddly, then bam. It's like a light went off inside his head wanting to not just be cuddly. Unfortunately for him, the only light going off in your head is the thought that only ice cream could make this night better. Sorry, boys. It's cuddles, chick flicks and cookie dough for us. Non-sexual quality time. Ahhhh. 

2. "… I once read that if love can be explained then it isn't love, it's an exchange of benefits. You may love her long blonde hair, her perfect smile and her great figure but the body changes over time and life throws curves. If you don't think you could handle the changes that life will bring then you aren't in love, you are in lust…"

Cindi Says: Love can be explained. When you can tell someone why you love your husband, there you are, explaining. I love Cory because he makes me feel special when he doesn't even try. He gets so excited over little things, like me complying to his demands of chocolate chip cookies from CFA. He works hard to provide for me and our future family. He puts my every need before his. I could go on and on, explaining. The body changes over time.. word again. I don't have any rebuttal to that, other than.. don't worry. Your husband may have loved you for your beautiful bod and lush lips at first, but then he fell in love with your laugh, your ability to make him feel wanted.. and those, my ladies, are things that time can't take away. 

3. "Don't stop dating your S.O."

Cindi Says: Don't stop dating, but definitely stop spending so much money. Dates don't have to carry the burden of impressing your s.o. They are YOUR s.o. And with being yours, they already want you. So go to the park, spread out your blankey, and be content with the fact that you're spending zero dollars and making a memory. PSA: men: that doesn't mean don't buy birthday, anniversary or Christmas gifts, don't celebrate significant times, etc. etc. Just know that you don't have to spend money to impress girls. They're more infatuated with your ability to come up with an expressive, inexpensive date! 

4. "[Remember] that they are the same person after the new labels. I've seen it all fall apart because the boyfriend's cute little habits were not something a husband should do. ‘We are married now! You can't do that!' It's easy to get lost in labels (because Wife and Husband are long defined terms. They come with much baggage.). If your girlfriend sucked at dishes, news flash, your wife will too.

Cindi Says: By "much baggage," they mean bills. House payment, water bill, phone bill, electric bill, insurance, car payment, truck payment.. MUCH BAGGAGE. If your girlfriend was an obsessive OCD freak who always wants everything in it's place, your wife will be too. Sorry, Cor. Likewise, if your boyfriend never had to do his own laundry, your husband won't know how. Instead of getting mad about things that you didn't even know you didn't like about each other, use it as a learning opportunity. For instance, I made sticky notes that say "Clean: Cory, it's okay to leave your dishes in the sink" & "Dirty: Cory! Put your dishes in the dishwasher!" Now, this may make him feel like he's 5. But guess what? The dishes are going where you need them. Just because you're a husband and a wife now, doesn't mean you forget how to act like a boyfriend and a girlfriend. It's SO easy to let the baggage overwhelm you. Just take a step back. Breathe. And love your husband. 

5. "[My] advice can be summed up in two words: Don't lie. Almost every major problem within relationships starts with a lie. If your relationship can handle the truth, then it can handle anything."

Cindi Says: Agree. Also, don't ask questions that may even need to be thought about lying about. If you can't handle the truth, don't ask the question. We all have a past. It's highly likely that you didn't marry the first person you ever dated. I so wish I could change many things in my past, but that's just not the way the world works. So, don't lie. Don't ask what you deeeeep down in your heart don't even want to know. I've asked a couple of those questions and you know what? He didn't lie. Now, I know the answer to my questions, but for what? The past is the past. It's there for a reason. Most importantly, your past is not your future.  

6. "When arguing, seek to understand before seeking to be understood."

Cindi Says: Again, I have no rebuttal for this one.. If only I could follow this rule every time we got into a dumb argument over something silly.. Men tend to get more worked up every passing second of an argument. Don't get defensive, put up your wall and yell about why you're right. Get where he's coming from. Then back yourself up. He's more likely to WANT to understand where you're coming from. Jussayin. 

7. "Frequently express your appreciation and affection for the smallest things even. ‘Thank you for taking out the trash.' ‘I like what you did with the dining room.' ‘You look really nice today.' ‘I love you…'

If your husband tells you thank you for everything you do, praise him and never ever let him leave your side. Oh my lanta. I wish. It's usually me saying "Thank you for taking out the trash." Sarcastically, after I take it out because I'm tired of him not remembering that it's Wednesday, and the trash goes out ON WEDNESDAY. Anyhoo, while it's nice and dandy to be so expressive of your appreciation, it doesn't always happen. You deal with it. Life isn't measured by the number of times you take the trash out anyway, right? It's measured by how many deep breaths you have to take to not yell at your husband for not doing it. Again. :) 

8. "… Find a place/way for you to communicate openly, and be vulnerable. Someone else said they hop in the tub with their SO, my husband and I have difficult/emotional conversations while holding each other in bed…"

Cindi Says: Back to #1. Non-sexual time. Tubs and beds don't seem non-sexual to me, but hey, this is my blog and therefore, my opinion. Maybe you can hop in the tub and talk about your day. I'd prefer to be curled up in the fetal position in the middle of the living room floor or something. With my Medusa-like hair all over the place. Or something like that. Something totally in no way being taken as sexual time. I want to whine, be vulnerable, have an emotional conversation.. all while being 100% u-g-l-y so that there's no misunderstanding. 

9. "For a long term partnership to work, abandon any notion you have that responsibility is shared 50/50 between partners. Each is responsible for 100 % — and you always check one another's back…"

Cindi Says: False. If you feel responsible for 100%, you're going to be stressed, moody, mean.. all of which are not emotions that your husband likes. If you know that you are part of a team that is going to get the job done, life is so much easier. Granted, I know if I fell and broke my wrist and couldn't work, Cory would take care of us. But why would I want to put all of that pressure on him if it's not necessary? I'll do my part, he'll do his part, we'll pay off our "much baggage" every month, and we'll be happy doing it, knowing that we're both working hard to make life work. 

10. "Tell each other you love them. Every time you meet or leave, several times a day. Hold hands. Touch. Share everything, thoughts, feelings, jokes, food, drinks. Take care of each other. Both should always put the other first, you will end up compromising from the top down instead of the bottom up, thus avoiding resentment. Never take without giving. Don't sweat the small stuff. Laugh, Laugh, Laugh, Enjoy life."

Cindi Says: Don't just say you love him, show him. Every day. Whether it be bringing him home cookies from Chic-Fil-A, letting him tell you about the muffler he ordered.. whatever. Just listen to him. Love him. Hug him. It's so hard for him to be mad at you when you hug him. Don't sweat the small stuff, but don't let the small stuff turn into big stuff. There are some things you let him share with his boys. Trust me, we just don't think their humor is.. ehh, funny, at times. But the boys.. oh, they love it. It's hilarious. Who knew? And yes, ALWAYS take care of each other. It's the Golden Rule.